Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Slow Down!

It’s been an insanely long time since I dropped in.

Life is funny like that. I’m so busy living my life that I don’t have time to share my life on this blog. I know no one reads it. But I do enjoy going back and reading my old posts. So, I am going to *try* to post more often.

Although, I doubt I’ll be too successful with my job, Master’s Degree, wedding planning  (less than 10 months to go and SO MUCH TO DO – eeeek!), and social events always going on. But, I am going to at least try.

I was thinking recently about time. The older I get, the faster time seems to rush by, and the more I want to press the "pause" button. Sean turned 28 a couple weeks ago, and I was reminiscing on the fact that when we met, I was 22 – about to be 23 – and he was 25, which is the age I am now.

In a few short years, I have grown so very much. And it’s not just about the big “life step” of getting engaged this year. It’s about way more than that. In the last 3 or so years, I have graduated undergrad, am on my 3rd “real world” job, started paying ALL of my bills, bought my first new car (that happened about a month ago and is a story for another day…), moved 3 times, started grad school, and have seen 2 beautiful nieces come into this world…and now one of them is talking and walking and running and playing.

Life is so very, very fast. I know that lately, I have been stressed. Worried about things at work, wedding to-dos, what to buy everyone for Christmas, how I’m going to afford my car payments, looking for houses with Sean and realizing we aren't even close to having enough saved up….I need to just stop. Pause. Reflect. Live. Enjoy.

I’m so busy living life that I’m not even present in it. Has anyone else ever felt this way? I picture my wedding day, and then I picture it being over in the blink of an eye, and I don’t want that to happen. I want to wake up that morning, and just…take a few moments. Alone. I want to walk SLOWLY down that aisle, staring into the face of the man I love, and just pause, and take in his smile, and the way his eyes get green when he is teary-eyed, and etch that moment into my brain for the rest of my life.

This Christmas, I want to sit on the couch and stare at the Christmas tree, snow falling softly outside, and just enjoy those little moments. Christmas is a week from today, and I feel like I’ve been so busy going to holiday parties and shopping for gifts and working 45 hours a week that I haven’t actually enjoyed Christmas itself. It's not about the gifts, yet every year I catch myself obsessing over giving every single person on my list (and it's a looong list) the "perfect" gift. But in reality, the greatest gift of all is life, and love, and family. Without that, we are nothing.

I'm not really sure what the purpose of this post is, other than I realize I need to slow down a little. 

I have a work party today, a birthday party tomorrow, a gift exchange Friday, and another birthday party Saturday…my plan for this Sunday is to relax. To do nothing but enjoy life. No plans. Maybe lounge on the couch with a book. Play a board game with Sean. Just be present and have fun.

The Christmas wrapping can wait. The grocery shopping can wait. The laundry can wait. The wedding to-dos can wait. It can all wait for one more day.

I’ll check in on Monday and let you know how it goes!

Happy Holidays, to anyone who actually reads this, and enjoy this photo of last week's snow in Baltimore J

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