Sunday, February 21, 2010

NEDA Awareness Week!

Hey, friends!

Just a reminder that February 21st-27th is National Eating Disorders Association's Eating Disorders Awareness Week! Check here for more information!

Also, Caitlin from Healthy Tipping Point & founder of Operation Beautiful posted this awesome list of 20 Ways to Love Your Body.

Take time this week to reflect on your life and to thank your body for everything it does. I admittedly have been having a terrible time with my body image the past few days, and I feel awful. However, I need to remember that my body is amazing and helps me to do so many wonderful things. Therefore, I should treat it with respect and kindness rather than self-loathing.


In other news, B comes to visit me tomorrow! Can't wait! Updates (and hopefully photos!) soon.

Have a fantastic week.

I'll leave you with a quote by Walt Whitman:

"If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred."

Friday, February 19, 2010


Thanks for your excitement on my last post! I have to admit, I'm pretty excited about it too. Ben and I really get along--last night we talked on the phone for an hour, and the night before it was 3 hours!--and I feel like he is my best friend and so much more. I want to still take things slow, but since we used to be best friends my freshman and sophomore years of college, it's almost like we've been dating that long!

Anyway, Ben is coming to visit me on Monday! Unfortunately he has to work all weekend, but that's ok. Monday we are going to go shopping for books (we want to start a book club and read & discuss books together), go out to lunch, and then he wants to cook dinner for my family! It's super cute.

I think things are going to go well. I don't want to jinx the situation, but I feel like this guy is...different. With other boyfriends, I always felt a sort of disconnect in some way. But this time, I feel like I am physically, mentally, and emotionally attracted to him. So, we'll see where it goes!

I also want to add a side note: I know that some of my lovely blogger friends have been having a hard time in the romance department lately, and I want you to know I totally understand. I've been there, honestly. I've spent many a lonely night crying and chastising myself for being ugly, fat, and worthless. But I am starting to realize that only once I started becoming comfortable being independent did I get more male attention. It's silly but true. Granted, I am definitely not 100% confident in myself, and my body image is less than acceptable. However, I learned to deal with things on my own and I realize that my worth is NOT dependent on a guy. Even if B and I don't work out, I know that I'll still have my #1 best friend--ME.

Have a lovely weekend, ladies. I am off to therapy, then a little shindig tonight with my Mama. Then this weekend I will probably go shopping, go to Power Yoga on Sunday (YES! I'm allowed to now!!!), work on homework, and prepare for Benjamin's arrival Monday morning! :-)


I hope you all manage to do something fun and indulgent for yourselves this weekend, whether it's girl's night, date night, or a me, myself, & i night!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait!

Oh boy, do I have lots to talk about! Where to even begin?!.....

Well, Valentine's Day was a great success. A few hitches but altogether amazing.

So, my Valentine was Ben (B from one of my recent posts). He is the one that took me to a 50's style diner a few weeks ago. We've known each other for about 3 years. We started out as close friends who worked together and then both of us developed feelings for one another, but the timing was never right. I was 18 and he was 19, and we were both just kind of young and stupid and not ready for a commitment.

So anyway, recently he and I have been talking on the phone, texting, etc, and he asked if I wanted to meet up for Valentine's Day on Sunday night, so I said sure why not! He works as an EMT in the town where Susquehanna U. is (he graduated in May), and I live in the Baltimore area, so we decided to meet halfway in Harrisburg, PA. Ben had to go to his little brother's 4th birthday party during the day (he is the oldest of 5 boys! yikes!), so we decided to meet up around 6:30 p.m. for dinner and a movie.

Well, it ended up being after 7 when we finally met up because Ben got caught in a HUGE traffic jam. So, I ended up driving a little farther and we met at the parking lot of a McDonald's (romantic, right? hahaha). I hopped into his car, where 2 mixed CDs were waiting, as well as some adorable handmade presents and cards. I left my car in the parking lot and then he drove to a movie theater about 30 miles away. We spontaneously chose "From Paris, With Love", which is an action movie with John Travolta, but I am honestly into that kind of thing so I was excited.

During the movie, we ended up holding hands and it was cute. Then, when we exited the theater (it was past 11:00pm at this point), it was snowing! So romantic!

Then, we were both suuuper hungry so we went to a McDonald's drive-thru since it was the only thing nearby that was still open on a Sunday night. And you know what? I got an M&M McFlurry which I proceeded to finish in 5 minutes, plus I had some of Ben's french fries! And I felt absolutely ZERO guilt. It wasn't "clean", it was filled with "empty calories", but you know what? Being with him was so much fun and we had such wonderful conversation that the food didn't even matter. I even opened up to him about all of my struggles and he was incredibly understanding and sweet about it.

When we got back to my car, we exchanged silly presents--I got him a toy ambulance that lights up & makes sounds since he is an EMT, and also a stuffed fox because he is "foxy" (yes I'm corny, so sue me). He gave me a bunch of random things, like a candle and tube socks and a teddy bear and chocolate. It was a good mixture of funny and romantic gifts, and I loved it. Then, we kissed for awhile (don't worry, I didn't do anything stupid! haha), and it was absolutely ELECTRIC. By the time I left to drive home, it was 1:00 am! I didn't get home until past 3:00! I had to stop and get a 20 oz coffee during the drive haha.

Basically, this date was fantastic, and we have decided to keep dating. I am really excited about it. He works crazy hours and I have school and we live 2 hours away, but we are going to try and make it work and see what happens. I feel like all of the old feelings from 3 years ago have come flooding back, but Ben and I are both more mature than we were then. We are in a better place to try and make it work. I feel like he is my best friend and I can tell him anything, and we have similar interests and quirky sense of humor.

So, I'm going to try not to get my hopes up TOO much, but I am really hoping this works. I have been single for about a year now, and I feel like I am finally at a point in my recovery where I am ready to let someone in.


In other news, I am back to school after the week off with no snow! It's been quite the adjustment!


How was everyone's Valentine's Day weekend? Even if you didn't have a valentine, I hope you all managed to pamper yourselves in some small way. I even told Ben that I have to put myself first in my life in order for me to be a good girlfriend, friend, daughter, etc. And that's the way it should be! :-)

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Blizzard Update!

So, I don't even know the final snow totals for here in Central Maryland, but let me tell you--it was A LOT! Between last week's storm and this week's storm, we have AT LEAST 3 feet out there! In fact, YESTERDAY was the first day I was able to leave the house. And the plows didn't even make it to our neighborhood until 9:15 at night! Insane!

Here are a few photos I snapped when my parents and I braved it outside on Thursday evening.....

my house! (this is AFTER my dad cleared the way with the snowblower, of course!)

and here is my dad, all bundled up, standing by a pile of snow:

and, here's mom and me:

Anyway, tomorrow is Valentine's Day! I have plans to meet my date for dinner and a movie :-)
I'll update you after it happens, but it is NOT the ex, just so you know....

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


It's officially a blizzard out there!

We have gotten at least 3 feet of snow in the past week, and it is still snowing like crazy out there! Maryland is insane!

I've been off school all week, and probably won't have class til next Monday!

Mom has been home all week too, and Dad is home today. We've just been relaxing and hanging out by the fire reading and watching TV. Ahh, perfection.

I'll post some photos once I take some!

Happy blizzard!

P.S. I have an official Valentine this year...more to come on that ;-)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Ask Me Anything!

Hi! Thanks for your support on my emotionally charged and confused post from the other day. I am copying off of a few other bloggers, like Amy from Coffee Talk, and I made one of these:

So, ask away! You can do it anonymously if you'd like. But please, try not to be negative, k?

Anyway, I'm heading to the grocery store before class to pick up some essentials because apparently a BLIZZARD is coming my way! Yikes!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Weekend Blast from the Past

Happy February, Ladies & Gents!

Well, classes are going pretty well. My Philosophy class got cancelled for tomorrow, so all I have is therapy and nutrition, and then the rest of the day is FREE!


So, this past Friday, I decided to drive up to my house at school (as in SU, which I still consider "my" school) for an impromptu visit. L and K, two of my roommates, were busy with sorority stuff, but Kel was there and we were able to hang out and catch up. I also saw C, my roomie from soph year (and my SOUL MATE, I swear!), as well as a few other people I hadn't seen since leaving school unexpectedly in September. It was really nice to catch up with my ladies, and I even went to a party and played darts and had some wine! haha.

That isn't what makes the title of my post so appropriate, however. What made Friday night a blast from the past was the fact that I saw S, my ex-boyfriend, as well as B, a "hookup"/very good male friend from college.

B is a year older than me and graduated this past May, but still lives in the area as an EMT (he is training to become a paramedic). My freshman year of college (his sophomore year), B and I met through our job at the coffeehouse. He was my manager, and we began a flirtatious friendship. I was dating my high-school boyfriend at the time, but as soon as he dumped me, B sent me flowers and was there to comfort me. One thing led to another, and let's just say we became "close". We hung out a lot, had some great conversations, and continued flirting at work, but soon S came into the picture. S and I dated for the next 2 years, and only recently broke up this past spring, when my ED became ridiculous and drove us apart. However, S and I were incredibly close (I went on vacation with his family 2 years in a row, he came to visit my family often, I stayed with his sister and her boyfriend at their house, etc.).

So, there's the background info.


Well, on Friday, B wanted to take me to dinner, so I agreed. We have been talking recently and I figured why not? He took me to a cute little 1950's-style diner, and we had great, natural conversation. He also gave me two CDs he had burned for me. I hugged him goodbye after a good 2-plus-hour long date, and then proceeded to hang out with my ladies and go to a party.

Around 11:30 that night, S called me and wanted to know if I wanted to come to his apartment to visit him and his roommate. I was very close with both of them, as they have been roommates all 4 years of college. So of course I wanted to see both of them. Also, S and I have stayed friendly over the past 6 months, even after breaking up. He had a brief relationship that recently ended.

I walked to their apartment, and hung out in their living room for awhile watching TV and talking. It was nice. Then, S's roomie left to go hang out with some guys in the apartment upstairs, and S & I were left alone. For some reason, all of my old feelings that my ED numbness had pushed away came rushing back. I felt comfortable cuddling with him on the couch watching TV, just like old times. Then we started kissing, and one thing led to another, and let's just say I stayed the night.


So now I am torn. I was in love with S for a very long time, but I can't help but feel like it's over between us. He is sweet and kind and caring, but I felt "safe", not really "excited", by him. I think I liked the comfort of being with him, and the attention he gave me. I hadn't been touched in so long, or told I was beautiful no matter what, and it felt good. We left it pretty open-ended, and I made it clear that I really need to sort out my own life before I get involved with anyone, but now S and B are BOTH texting me quite often. I am torn. Both of these guys have a spot in my past and in my heart, and S obviously was the most major relationship of my life. I loved him so much, and we were/are best friends. However, I look at my life 10 years down the road, and I really don't see myself with him in the long run. We don't really have much in common intellectually. Our connection is mainly physical.

B, on the other hand, is someone who is so easy to talk to about anything, whether silly or philosophical. However, I don't feel as intense of a physical attraction to him.

I am not sure why I'm writing about this so much, and I don't know what to do. I am going back to SU at the end of February for a concert (Jack's Mannequin is coming!), and both guys will be there. They both know that I have kept in touch with both of them, but B definitely doesn't know that I slept with S after our date!

I feel like a slut, and I hope you all won't judge me for this. I felt weird after S and I hooked up, and it felt "wrong". Maybe that's my gut telling me it isn't supposed to happen, at least not now.


Anyway, I am going to go and prepare dinner in the crock pot and do some reading before class at 2:00. If you have any opinions or suggestions, let me know. At this point, I'm going to continue to talk to both guys because they both mean a lot to me, but I am not going to make any serious commitments. I need time to sort out my own life before I can enmesh myself in someone else's.
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