Tuesday, October 13, 2009

goodbye ed, hello me

Hola, Chicas!

The title of my post is inspired by Jenni Schaefer's new book, Goodbye Ed, Hello Me: Recover from your Eating Disorder and Fall in Love with Life! You all probably know her as the author of the infamous ED recovery book Life Without Ed! Well, I just got her newest book and it is even better! She proves that there is a BIG difference between being "in recovery" and being "recovered", and through hard work and determination, she shows us that we too can get there!

I am super excited because Ms. Schaefer is going to be speaking @ my treatment center on October 25th! So, I have been flying through the book so I can have it read before her presentation (and because I want her to sign it!).

So, how have things been going?

Pretty well, I suppose. Went to visit my friends @ college this past Sat night. It was the first time I had seen them since I mysteriously left school a month ago and went into the hospital. It was a little awkward at first, but we went out to eat (and I followed my meal plan, including a delicious chocolate bourbon pecan cake for dessert!) and loosened up and everything went alright. However, I don't drink alcohol much anymore, mostly because of my meds but also because the IOP I'm in forbids it--alcoholism is closely linked with EDs, AND it runs rampant in my family, so it's better to be healthy and safe about it. So that was the only awkward thing about the weekend. I used to party and drink a lot my first 2 years of college, and my friends were disappointed that I didn't drink with them. However, I am realizing the joy of moderation. Yes of course I'll enjoy a drink or two every once in awhile. But seeing drunken college kids make fools of themselves made me realize that I am so over that scene. I am 21 years old, and yes I want to have fun, but getting so wasted you lose your keys and your pants and don't know where you are is a lot different than being an ADULT and going for a nice drink or two with friends and watching a movie. I guess I've just calmed down a lot.

In terms of IOP, things are going really really well. My meal plan got bumped up and a supplement added (Ensure! woot woot haha), and mentally it sure hasn't been a cake walk (no pun intended, I swear!). Last Wed my weight had gone up 1 pound from the week before, and yesterday my weight had gone up 1.5 pounds in only 5 days. It freaked me out a little, and I am more than I weighed all summer, so it's definitely been an adjustment. My clothes are fitting tighter and my butt and hips are rounding out a little, but I'm dealing. In fact, my hair and skin and eyes look better, and even though I still have body image distortions, I am working very hard to keep up with my meal plan and supplements and to be proud of my strong new body. I am about 10 pounds or so from my goal, which is awesome! A few weeks ago I was losing, and now I am gaining. And it's not just weight. I am gaining a new, calmer perspective on life. Our nutritionists and therapists teach us about moderation in all things, and I think that is a wonderful way to live life. I am not exercising at the moment (mom said 5 more pounds and we'll see about signing up for yoga!), but when I eventually get to my goal weight, I want to be able to exercise and eat moderately and healthily. You don't need to run 5 miles a day to be healthy. In fact, doing 20-30 minutes of walking or light yoga is perfectly acceptable!

I won't lie and say it's easy. I know that Recovery Road has lots of bumps and detours, but I also know that I have the strength within me to at least keep the road in sight, even when I'm not fully on it. But as for today--the sun is shining, I'm wearing a cute new shirt, and I am walking the difficult path of recovery with complete faith that it will be fully worth it!!!


  1. I'm so glad to hear you are doing so well Coco! You look absolutely beautiful - there is such a happiness and peace in your smile. Its really wonderful. I hope that even when the ED is bugging you, you are able to see the strength and determination you have within that has enabled you to come so far.

  2. I posted a comment but I dont think it went through, sorry if you get this twice!
    Its wonderful to hear how things are heading in the right direction for you. Sounds like your treatment team is teaching you some really good things and I think your thinking towards food and life has become so much better, you sound more rational about it all. It is truely great to see you getting better, recovery is so difficult and Im really proud/happy for you for how you are tackling it.
    Keep up the good work,xoxo

  3. Keep it up :)

    I'm glad you're doing well, I can almost feel your smile through this post :D


  4. I'm so so happy to hear this from you! I'm glad you're making progress and you're gaining weight, but also gaining more (beautiful words Coco!)...You're strong and you can do this, I'm so proud! Just remember that I'm really always there if you're having a tough time:)

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  5. i am so happy for you coco that things are still looking very good for you! life is about so much more than a number on the scale!
    its great to know you have the support that works for you.
    enjoy your day

  6. I couldn't be happier for you Coco! This was so wonderful to read, its put a huge smile across my face :)
    That IOP programme may not be easy, but its obviously doing you the world of good, and you should be so proud of making the tough decision to go IP/IOP.


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