"Innocent" Flirting?

Well, it has been quite a crazy few days!

I spent all day yesterday at the bank trying to get my $1000 back (that's right--whoever stole my wallet went on a shopping spree & cleaned out my checking account..), and then I had to wait in line for 2 hours to get a new Driver's License--which cost me $20 even though it was stolen.

So, it's been insane. And now I have no wallet, no credit cards (new ones are being mailed), and no Student ID. I feel nekkid! At least I've still got my beloved cell phone.

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So, why the title of my post?

Well, it has to do with me. And my flirtatious nature.

First of all, I must mention that my birthday dinner with the boy was splendid. I can't believe he drove 8 hours round trip just to spend a few hours with me! AND he brought me flowers! AND paid for dinner! Things are going well with him and I truly do love him and could picture myself with him for a long time.

So, what's the problem?

Well, a couple weekends ago, at my friend's graduation party, I met this guy. And we kind of hit it off. We talked and flirted all night and exchanged numbers. But nothing happened, and I was very clear about the fact that I am in a relationship. I even talked to this guy about how great my boyfriend is.

The thing is, ever since then, for the past week or so, this mystery man and I have been texting back and forth. Mostly just innocent stuff like what's been going on in our lives, etc, but last night it got a little...inappropriate. And I have to admit that I am at fault. And that I enjoyed his flirtatious compliments. But, I feel awful. I mean, I haven't physically done anything, and we haven't even talked since the party--just texted. And I haven't even hugged the kid, let alone do anything physical with him. But I can't help but admit to myself that I like the feeling I get when I hear from him.

Is this just normal innocent flirtation? I mean, no woman can deny the fact that she feels good when a guy pays attention to her and makes her feel beautiful.

But on the other hand, I have to ask myself how I would feel if I knew my boyfriend was constantly texting some random girl flirty little messages? I think I'd be a little upset and jealous.

So, my question is: what should I do, and where do I draw the line?
This guy is super nice, and he lives 3 hours away so it's not like I'm in danger of anything physical happening. He also happens to be a sweet, funny guy. I would like to maintain a friendship with him. However, I do NOT want to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend. I finally found someone who is perfect for me and who supports me through it all. Heck, he even went to therapy with me! This guy is a catch!

So, what do I do? And be honest--if you think I'm being a tease and it's wrong for me to be talking to this other guy, tell me!

Sorry, You're Not Invited...(and a stolen wallet)

Dear Ed,

Tonight I am going out to dinner (and probably ice cream afterwards) with my boyfriend to celebrate his 23rd birthday and my 22nd birthday. I am going to have a fabulous time, order whatever I want, and eat however much of it I want. Perhaps I will have a greasy burger and fries, and maybe a couple beers. And guess what?

You are NOT invited.

Love (more like HATE),

Coco


*edit: I just found out my wallet was stolen from the gas station (I put it on my trunk while I filled up the tank, then drove away & it fell off and someone took it) last night. SO, I have lost cash, my license, the wallet itself, and all of my credit cards & bank card have been cancelled since someone thought it would be super fun to spend all my money in lots of different places. i am really upset about all of this, BUT i realized today that I was letting my emotions control my eating habits. When all of this was going on, I didn't want to eat. And I still don't want to eat. However, I need to let this go. Yes, I lost some money. Yes, it's a pain in the arse. But you know what? This is something I can't control. Although it makes me terribly sad that there are people out there who are dishonest and mean, I know that I am not one of those people. And I will not let this person, whoever they are, disturb my life and my health. So, I will go out to dinner tonight. And perhaps I'll have more than one alcoholic beverage...and that's ok.

Happy Birthday to...ME!

Today is my 22nd birthday!

I was born on June 21, 1988 at 1:04 pm.

It's so hard to believe that I am already beginning my 22nd year of life. It honestly feels like yesterday I was celebrating my sweet 16, then the big 18, and last year's epic 21st. I am finally realizing that adulthood isn't a distant dream--it is a startlingly present reality. I remember being a child and feeling like I would never grow up. Being a "big kid" seemed so cool and so far in the future. Now, I am past "big kid" and into adulthood, and it amazes me. I have been through so many things in my 22 years, and yet I know there will be so many more moments to come.

So, what have I been up to?

Well, I still haven't landed a full-time job, but I have managed to schedule some dates babysitting for my friend's two children--one is 2, and one is 9 months old, both boys. Needless to say, they are quite a handful, but also a joy in every way.

This past weekend I drove three hours to Bethlehem, PA, to attend my friend/roommate Lauren's graduation party. I was nervous about attending, and also a little sad since I would be seeing everyone who graduated without me, but it ended up being a wonderful evening and I am so glad I went. We drank, played in the pool, lounged in the hottub, and had some intense (tipsy) conversations about life and love. I got to catch up with many friends, male and female, who I hadn't seen in awhile, and it was great.

Then for Father's Day we went to Winterthur, which is a historic estate that belonged to the Dupont family in Delaware. We toured the grounds and the mansion, which has 175 rooms and 9 floors--whoah! We had lunch (well, I was hungover so I had an omelet--goat cheese & wild mushroom which was absolutely divine despite my uneasy stomach after too much vodka the night before) in a pub, and then had a quiet dinner at home, followed by some chillin in front of the tube.

Today, I don't have any big plans, and I'm totally ok with that. I woke up, made myself blueberry pancakes (topped with strawberries and whipped cream--delightful!), and have been relaxing ever since. I plan on going to target and maybe marshall's just to browse, and then tonight the 'rents and I are going out to a restaurant of my choice--I am still undecided. Then strawberry shortcake for dessert, followed by a movie of my choosing!

Anyway, I am feeling rather introspective on this day of my birth, so perhaps I'll go write in my journal now. Later, friends!

Reading like a Fiend

So, I am still unemployed and on the hunt for a job. There are a few promising positions, so keep your fingers crossed for me! One of them is a secretarial position in a mental health office that specializes in treating children with behavioral issues. Since Psychology is my major (and my passion!), I would love a position like this because it would allow me to get my foot in the door in the mental health profession, and allow me to observe and see if I really want to work with troubled children.

Anyway, as the title of this post suggests, I have been reading like CRAZY! On vacation I burned right through 3 or 4 novels, one of which is called "The Punch", by Noah Hawley. I also just finished a really interesting novel by Toni Jordan, called "Addition". It was a quick read--I could not put it down! It is about a woman who suffers from Obsessive Compusive Disorder in the form of counting everything in her life. Numbers control her, from the number of steps she takes to the number of bites of her food she must consume, to the time of day she must complete different tasks. She meets a man, and everything changes as she realizes she can't possibly control everything. I was really moved by this book (which is actually quite hilarious, by the way) because, although I have never been diagnosed with OCD, I definitely think that people with EDs have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, especially in terms of counting calories and keeping track of weight, etc.

There was a paragraph near the end of the novel that I wanted to share with you all, because it really resonated with me:

"Most people miss their whole lives, you know. Listen, life isn't when you are standing on top of a mountain looking at the sunset. Life isn't waiting at the altar or the moment your child is born or that time you were swimming in deep water and a dolphin came up alongside you. These are fragments. 10 or 12 grains of sand spread throughout your entire existence. These are not life. Life is brushing your teeth or making a sandwich or watching the news or waiting for the bus. Or walking. Every day, thousands of tiny events happen and if you're not watching, if you're not careful, if you don't capture them and make them count, you could miss it.

You could miss your whole life."

Question: What is a book (or passage from a book) that has really affected you?

Does this Dress Make Me Look Fat?

"This dress is cute, but it would look a thousand times better if my legs were smaller."

"This shirt would be SO cute if my boobs were bigger."

"The only thing skinny about me is my chest!"

"Everything looks awful on me today...I feel so fat."

"Does this make me look fat?!"

...................................

Those are just a few of the comments I overheard while trying on clothes in the dressing room of Marshall's today (my brother gave me a $50 gift card for my birthday--cha-ching!).

Upon exiting the fitting room and seeing the girls and women who were saying these things, I realized something:

They were all completely and utterly WRONG. These were attractive, healthy, beautiful women. Two of them were going back and forth building each other up while simultaneously breaking themselves down. It was like watching a painful tennis match:

"Ugh, I look so fat."

"You?! What about me? This shirt looks awful on me."

"Oh please, I wish I had those boobs."

"Oh whatever, what about my fat legs?! I'd kill for your legs."

...and on and on.

I found myself getting increasingly frustrated. I really wish I had said something to them. I also immediately went into my purse to see if I had some sticky notes and a pen so I could post an Operation Beautiful note, but I didn't have any post-its.

Note to self: BUY POST-IT NOTES ASAP, and keep a pen with me at all times!

Anyway, I know body dissatisfaction is hardly a rare occurrence among women, especially in our society, but today it really got to me. I wish women would be as kind to themselves as they are to their friends.

Would you tell a friend she was fat, ugly, worthless, and disgusting???

Didn't think so.

Maybe we should start treating ourselves with the same dignity and respect. After all, we only get one body, so we might as well embrace it.