Tuesday, June 29, 2010

"Innocent" Flirting?

Well, it has been quite a crazy few days!

I spent all day yesterday at the bank trying to get my $1000 back (that's right--whoever stole my wallet went on a shopping spree & cleaned out my checking account..), and then I had to wait in line for 2 hours to get a new Driver's License--which cost me $20 even though it was stolen.

So, it's been insane. And now I have no wallet, no credit cards (new ones are being mailed), and no Student ID. I feel nekkid! At least I've still got my beloved cell phone.


So, why the title of my post?

Well, it has to do with me. And my flirtatious nature.

First of all, I must mention that my birthday dinner with the boy was splendid. I can't believe he drove 8 hours round trip just to spend a few hours with me! AND he brought me flowers! AND paid for dinner! Things are going well with him and I truly do love him and could picture myself with him for a long time.

So, what's the problem?

Well, a couple weekends ago, at my friend's graduation party, I met this guy. And we kind of hit it off. We talked and flirted all night and exchanged numbers. But nothing happened, and I was very clear about the fact that I am in a relationship. I even talked to this guy about how great my boyfriend is.

The thing is, ever since then, for the past week or so, this mystery man and I have been texting back and forth. Mostly just innocent stuff like what's been going on in our lives, etc, but last night it got a little...inappropriate. And I have to admit that I am at fault. And that I enjoyed his flirtatious compliments. But, I feel awful. I mean, I haven't physically done anything, and we haven't even talked since the party--just texted. And I haven't even hugged the kid, let alone do anything physical with him. But I can't help but admit to myself that I like the feeling I get when I hear from him.

Is this just normal innocent flirtation? I mean, no woman can deny the fact that she feels good when a guy pays attention to her and makes her feel beautiful.

But on the other hand, I have to ask myself how I would feel if I knew my boyfriend was constantly texting some random girl flirty little messages? I think I'd be a little upset and jealous.

So, my question is: what should I do, and where do I draw the line?
This guy is super nice, and he lives 3 hours away so it's not like I'm in danger of anything physical happening. He also happens to be a sweet, funny guy. I would like to maintain a friendship with him. However, I do NOT want to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend. I finally found someone who is perfect for me and who supports me through it all. Heck, he even went to therapy with me! This guy is a catch!

So, what do I do? And be honest--if you think I'm being a tease and it's wrong for me to be talking to this other guy, tell me!


  1. Oh god Coco, I've totally been in your shoes before. Its so confusing isnt it? Its been especially hard for me because the other guys that like me are guys from work that I have to see every day. With all the arguing and fighting I experience with the boy, its hard to not imagine what it'd be like to be with someone else - even though I love him and can't imagine my life without him either.

    IMO - there's really nothing wrong with flirting as long as you both know its just kidding around. My buddy Louis is probably one of my best friends, but we flirt in a joking way and neither of us have intentions of ever being more than friends. But if you sense that you could develop feelings for this new boy, or that he may have feelings for you - you need to decide who it is that you want to be with and break ties with the other. I learned this the hard way. There was a guy at my work, M, who really liked me a lot. I met him while Dan and I were on "hiatus", and that's probably what made him think he could "win" me, even after Dan and I got back together. I thought we could just be friends despite that. But he was calling me and texting me almost every day, even when he knew I was with Dan. After he shipped out (he's in the army) he continued doing it. I had to be really blunt and harsh with him in order to get him to back off. Even now, he insists he's okay with us just being friends. But everyone he talked to at our work says he still hopes that when he comes back from overseas, he'll get another chance with me. :\

    So. Be upfront now so you don't end up breaking two hearts instead of one. I know its hard - especially since getting attention is fun. But if you aren't sure where its all going, its better to lay down the law now instead of later.

  2. ok, i've definitely been in this EXACT situation...except i had been in a three and a half year relationship. it's really hard to ignore that flirtatious nature that we all have, but sometimes you just have to. HOWEVER! a little flirting is actually good for a relationship ;) it's true, i've read about it. it's just when you cross the line that problems arise.

    for me, i knew my relationship with my boyfriend was over when i found myself not even wanting the fliring to stop, even when the line was crossed. you have the power over those guys, so when you find yourself encouraging, make sure you take a good look at how you feel about your relationship. it may just be a simple thing you took too far, or it could be a sign that you just aren't at the right time in your life to be in a serious relationship.

    oh, and it definitely doesn't mean you're a tease. it just means that you have what guys want! :)

    ♥ lindsey

  3. Hi!

    I understand how conflicted you must feel. Romantic feelings can certainly be confusing. Only you know what are the right decisions for your life are, but I would just suggest that you be honest with yourself. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your boyfriend were having these texting convos with other girls? However, if you think that this might potentially be a guy that you want to get to know in a romantic way, then I would be honest with your boyfriend about that. There is no one right answer because all decisions have consequences and benefits. You just have to follow what your heart tells you.

    I am new to the blogging world, but I am getting involved so that I can connect with others in ED recovery. I will definitely follow your journey.


  4. ahh i can relate to thsi like no other- i dated my boyfriend for about 3 years. I think you know the answer to this question- its like you said, how would you feel if he was doing it? probably bad. I did stuff like that too and i knew it was kind of wrong deep down, but you are right, all women like to feel beautiful and sometimes hearing it from the same person gets old. I think wht you are experiencing is normal but remember to put it into perspective. Noone can give you a straight answer though bc when it comes down to it, only you know what you want. I think part of me held onto my ex boyfriend because it was comfortable & i think that was part of ed- i secretly wanted to let go & be single for quite some time. It is all very complicated but I know you'll figure it out in time & do what is best for you.

  5. Oooh this is a biggie. I agree all women like attention. I think it would come down to how your boyfriend would react if he read the text messages. Would he hit the street over them or would he be okay with them?


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