Thursday, September 17, 2009

Goodbye for now...

Well, ladies, this is it. 

I made my choice. Tomorrow at 8:30 am, I am going inpatient for 14 days, then doing IOP after that. I am withdrawing from school for the semester and will see how things go.

I almost can't believe this. It's been a whirlwind. Just yesterday I was giving a class presentation. But last night was rough, and then today I met with my treatment team and just broke down like I never have before, and I realized that this is what needs to be done. School can wait; my health cannot. It's really that simple.

Am I scared? YES. Disappointed? A little. Nervous? YES. Worried? YES. 

But am I sure this is what I need? YES, YES, and YES.

It is SO hard to admit sometimes, and part of me feels like a failure and feels weak. But that's the ED part. The real Coco knows that I am being strong by taking the real, serious steps I need towards recovery.

So, I won't be on the computer for a couple weeks, maybe even longer. I'll miss reading your posts. But I'll be back, and when I am, I am hoping I'll have gained more than just weight.


  1. good luck hun! Good for you for putting your health first. I wish you the best of luck in your treatment. Hope to hear from you soon!

  2. Ohh wow thats a bit of a surprise, I didnt realise you were considering IP. I think you have made a really good choice, school can wait, you can go back and once you get your health back fully you`ll be able to focus on it much better.

    Good luck with your treatment, let us know how you are when you get out, you really deserve a proper shot at life, Im proud of you for making this choice.

  3. coco hun, dont be dissapointed! be proud that you are taking this step to take care of yourself. we all deserve to be healthy and sometimes the situations we are in dont work for us like you living alone. i am so glad you chose to become healthy instead of living with this terrible ilness for any longer. youcan do this! you can recover fully if you follow the guidlines of your recovery team.
    sending you all the love in the world
    email me anytime

  4. Hey girlie!
    I know from the bottom of my heart how difficult this decision was for you. I've withdrawn from college three times to go into recovery and I know, it hurts. Do not ever let the ED use this as a means of making you feel badly about yourself. It takes great courage and strength to do what is best for yourself sometimes, and I think it shows a great maturity and responsibility on your part to be taking the time to dedicate these next months to your recovery. Your mind, body and soul are worth undivided attention and care.
    Don't be afraid. I know you will be anyways, especially with all the horror stories about IP floating around. I can honestly tell you, as much as I abhorred being in treatment, they saved my life at least in physical means. And while I still do think doing it myself has been the most revolutionizing and freeing thing - I know in my heart that all the months and weeks spent in treatment gave me the tools and the ability to accomplish recovery on my own.
    I hope that this works for you. i think you have the mentality for this kind of treatment to work - you already want to get better and have done so much on your own. The extra push and aid from outside sources will do you good, and it will help you be able to relax a bit. Take care of yourself and get the most out of every experience you hve there.
    BTW - email me anytime you ever need anything, or just want someone to chat with. And if you can give me the addy of the IP, I'll try send you a card <3 )

  5. I had been wondering how you were doing, hadn't hopped over to your blog in a bit.. and while I'm sorry to hear things were starting to go down, I am happy to hear that you are now taking the steps needed to reverse the situation! You are so strong to acknowledge what you need to do and then to actually DO IT!

    I'm wishing you the best!

  6. Hey Colleen,
    I'm sorry to hear about all that you're going through, because I honestly know what it feels like. However, I just know that you are going to do great because you are going into it with the right attitude. Admitting and accepting that you neeeeed to beat this, but can't do it on your own is something I never had. It is probably why I struggled for so long after I did inpatient. I wish you all the luck and hope to see you healthy and happy on the other side!

  7. I've done the same thing myself and all I can say is that it was a great deicision when I look back now. It's tough, but it's your life your fighting for!
    I'm thinking of you, wishing you all the best and sending you energy to fight! You can do this, I'm always there (just mail me!)

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)


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