Tuesday, September 29, 2009

It's going to be just fine


Well, I think it's going to be alright. I started IOP yesterday, and so far it seems like it's going to be just what I need. I need the support and the dinnertime meal and the groups, but I don't need to be in the hospital 24/7. Had to get bloodwork today and am going again Friday, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that I stay healthy and on track.

The IOP (though I've only done one day) is good. There are about 12 people and we do groups together and eat dinner in the cafeteria together. It's overwhelming because we get to decide what we eat, but the dieticians are there to make sure we have enough servings and items and stuff. Plus we have to have dessert and at least 2 hot meals per week (aka you can't get away with a sandwich and salad every night!). I really challenged myself right away last night by getting a hot meal and getting a hefty slice of apple spice cake with tons of sugary icing for dessert. I've realized from my blogging hiatus that it's ok to eat like a normal person and not like a health freak!!! Everything doesn't have to be organic or all-natural or meatless or gluten-free. Our dieticians teach us ALL THINGS IN MODERATION. I have been following the meal plan to a tee and have never felt better! I can have carrots and hummus with my lunch but also have a bakery cookie! 

Balance is health. Balance is happiness. There are no good or bad foods!!! 

The con to this week? It sounds awful and mean, but my grandparents are "visiting", aka my parents don't trust my ED and my 80+ year old grandparents are here "babysitting" my 21-year-old perfectly comepetent ass. Oh well, I've just been going about my business. My grandma doesn't understand anorexia AT ALL. She doesn't seem to realize that offering me homemade fudge and cookies and lasagna and casseroles isn't really my idea of fun. My parents and I explained the meal plan and all to her, but she just doesn't understand. She makes comments about food all the time and about how I should eat more. It's really difficult. And especially with my history of bingeing!!! 

They are only here for 2 more days, so I'll manage.

Anyway, tomorrow night is family night where our family can eat with us and attend a group afterwards. We'll see how it goes. I am going to just take my mom, I think. And then my dad next week. Grandparents = nope. I love them to death, but trying to explain my struggles with them is futile.

Well, I'm off to IOP! 

Have a wonderful day, and stay safe.


  1. Good to see you back! And I think you're really strong. I'm glad to hear that IOP seems like a good choice for you. How did the IP go? Did you receive my email?
    And about the comments from your grandparents, that mst be really difficult. A lot of people don't understand anything about all of this. But you know what, that's a good thing for them. And you handle it well!
    Take care, stay strong, xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  2. :-) yay go you! You sound like your doing really well and you sound so much more upbeat, Im really glad to hear things are starting to turn around for the better for you.
    Sometimes I feel alot of blogs are very strict with what they eat and it can make the rest of us forget that its ok to eat more normal foods! Its great to see you challenging yourself like this, keep it up!
    I understand the whole grandparents thing, I know its frustrating but I think elderly people just dont understand it as well. My granny will pass remarks to me all the time but she just doesnt understand the illness properly and how those comments affect me, so just try your best to ignore them.

    I hope your family dinner goes well, keep up the good work!

  3. happy to hear the program is working for you! and i completely agree with you on the whole organic- healthy food issue! in the blogging world everyone is concerned with being super healthy but that's not what's important in life, important is that we find a balance between healthy eating and living a happy life. i'm glad to hear you realsing this and getting yourself where you need to be
    loads of care

  4. Great that IOP is working out fine for you:) It's true, everything in moderation...your determination to get healthy again is really REALLY admirable...take care of yourself! Hope the grandparents' stay goes OK:)

  5. You are so inspirational :) That apple cake sounds amazing! It's true... when we read blogs, I think we tend to narrow our perceptions of "proper food" to the blogs we read: organic, raw, etc. And some people really need diets (like I can't eat shellfish because I'm severely allergic), but sometimes I think we let the restriction overflow into other areas of food and that's not good!

    Stay strong, you're grandparents are almost gone. They are just like many who do not understand EDs, but they still love you.

  6. Coco! Remember me? Im back in the blog world :)

    Oh wow I cannot tell you how happy this post made me. This has given me so much inspiation to start fighting again and continue on this challenging journey we are on. You are so amazing! I hope family night goes well and that everything turns out ok with your grandparents... i totally sympathise with being around family that dont really understand eating disorders. Its hard but you can do it :)

    Keep going lovie, you are so strong <3

    xoxo Hannah

  7. Hey Coco! First time here...a friend recommended this site when I complained that a lot of "recovering" girls don't really seem to want to "recover" at all. I'm really impressed by your courage and strength...You really are fighting tooth and nail to defeat that eating disorder!

    I really, really, REALLY empathize with you abt your grandmother...guess what? I am Asian. And whenever I meet up with my grandparents...well, let's just say Asian grandparents' hobbby is force-feeding people. And they think plump and fat is beauty, so imagine them seeing their granddaughter all emaciated, it's like their worst nightmare...So I TOTALLY understand.

    But perhaps this is the chance to bond more with your grandma. She may not understand right now, but as you spend the time with her, talk to her. Let her know what struggles you are doing through, and if she tries to force you to eat something...well, why not just grin and eat it? Then she can have a peace of mind and she won't bother you about eating so much afterwards. Grandmas just want the reassurance that yes, you ARE eating. Show her once, and maybe she won't bug you as much.

    Best of luck, dearie!

  8. Ah! I'm so glad you're doing fine! YAYYYY!!! SOOO happy! :D Keep it up, my warrior!


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