Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Only Tuesday

How can it be only Tuesday?! Last week flew by, and this one is barely crawling. Does anyone else feel this way?

I would be more excited about the GLEE! Premiere tonight if I didn't have night class. Therefore, I'm going to have to catch up online later tonight or tomorrow--so don't spoil it for me, fellow Gleeks!

Anyway, thanks for your support on my last post! It was definitely an emotional weekend when I stopped to look back on this past year and the troubles I've faced, but I still managed to have a good time.

In fact, I am beginning to think maybe I'm having too much fun this last semester of college. I know I'm making up for lost time and all that, and I know I'm 22 and this is my last chance to party before joining the "real world", but I can't help but question myself. I like to have fun and be social and go out and get a little tipsy and dance and flirt and even kiss a few lucky men, but the past couple weeks have been out of control.

This past Saturday, I was up until the sun came up. It was 6am on Sunday when I finally fell asleep--in someone else's bed. I know that sounds totally slutty of me, and well, it kind of is. Which is why I am really starting to think twice about my alcohol consumption on the weekends. Just because people justify binge drinking and doing drugs and having sex with multiple partners by saying "Oh, it's just college", or "I'm young, now's the time to do that", it still doesn't make it healthy. I woke up Sunday morning--ok, more like afternoon--feeling sick to my stomach and emotionally distraught as well. This is the 4th time I have hooked up with this one particular guy, and I know that he is basically using me for sex. We were both very very intoxicated when things occurred this weekend. And although I sometimes hang out with him sober (he even came to visit me at work on Sunday) and he is a nice guy, I really don't want to get emotionally involved with someone who is willing to take advantage of me like that. I mean, I take full responsibility for my actions, and he was just as drunk as I was, if not worse, but still. Our relationship, if it can even be called that, is so confusing. It's a pattern of hook-up on the weekends, maybe talk sporadically during the week, and act like friends when we are sober. But then when we're at a party together and he holds my hand and walks me home and kisses me and then wants me to spend the night so we can cuddle, it makes things so much more confusing. I keep telling myself that I don't have feelings for him and that I'm totally cool with this casual "friends with benefits" relationship. But I know deep down that I'm not okay with it. I deserve to be respected, as a friend and as a woman.

So, I'm not sure what this even means, or why I posted about such a personal topic (my sex life--yikes!) on this blog. However, saying it out loud (or technically, "typing" it out loud) makes it real. I need to think through the consequences of my actions, both physical and emotional, before I go through with something. Hopefully next weekend I will have fun but still manage to remain respectful of myself.

What are your opinions on college partying? Is it normal and acceptable and something everyone should experience, or do you think destructive behaviors are a dangerous epidemic among college students?

I fall somewhere in between. I see no problem with enjoying your youth and having fun, but I also think that too much drinking, sex, smoking, etc, can be incredibly detrimental to your physical--and mental--health.


  1. As a college senior myself, I agree with you that partying, drinking, and living it up-while destructive overall--is fine in moderation. Partying, having sex, and drinking are not inherently but when they start to interfere with daily living and other responsibility then it starts to become a problem. To have a good time in college you don't need to drink to excess or smoke. I just started to have a social life and go out on weekends and I have to admit I missed out on three years of fun. I stayed in mostly because going out would upset my routine of double days of exercise and I was afraid what people would think of me, all of which led back to my ED. I was finally able move on and get over my phobias and loosen up this past year. I really enjoy hanging out with friends or at frats now and I missed out.

  2. I agree with you on being somewhere in between on the college partying stance, but one thing that struck me was when you said, "or do you think destructive behaviors are a dangerous epidemic among college students?"

    To this I say yes. Just because a lot of people do it (just like freaking all of America hates their bodies) doesn't mean it's okay.

    Keep on keepin' on, girl. You're really great and I'm so inspired by how strong you are.

  3. i have mixed feelings about this one. i believe that you should be able to let loose and have fun without getting hurt. And usually this means that you aren't falling while drunk and breaking a bone or something.. but we dont factor in the emotional feelings that come into play when you play with fire.

    you do deserve more than a guy who just uses you for sex.. are you using him for the same reasons though? do you think that he might be feeling used himself? we dont often think about guys being "emotional" like that, but some can be.. and never mind its socially ok for a guy to sleep around, but where does that leave the girls hes had??? are they considered skanky??
    im blabbering im sorry.. but for me, i think that feeling that you woke up with.. the pit in the bottom of your stomach is telling you what you need to hear, that you dont have to party like that.. you can still have fun and stay sober and out of someone's bed at the end of the night. i dont mean you can't drink and can't hook up..
    but get buzzed. and then seek out the emotional high you get from hanging around a guy who likes you for YOU not your booty.

    ive been in your shoes girl.. so i could go on all day!

  4. Whoa girl. I just found you through HLB, and I can totally relate to your college scene. I graduated 4 years ago and am only now realizing that all of that partying was destructive to myself. Honestly your guy situation is really hard to read about because that is how I was treated for my first year of college. If you don't feel like you are being respected, then you aren't. A guy should want you for more than his weekend sex toy. You seem like a much stronger person than that. I do believe that destructive behaviors are a dangerous epidemic due to the high rate of STDs in college and alcohol poisonings. For some reason in college we all think we are immune to these things, but trust me bad things happen to good people. Sorry to be such a downer, I think you are very strong for writing about this topic so openly, but I just wanted to give you a 26 year old opinion.

  5. Hey girl!!
    WOW thank you for being so honest- seriously this BREAKS my heart bc I see so many girls in this vicious cycle. Most guys in college dont really care about the girl- they just want to hook up. Girls get easily emotionally attached and its SO sad- I want t punch all the guys in the faces. I dont "party hard" or anything because I dont want to put myself in a situation that I dont have control over. I have a BLAST not drinking and doing FUN stuff on the weekends, and I dont hang out at parties all the time bc if you are in those kind of surface-y environments, more than likely, surface-y relationships will result from them. ya know? anyway- girl you are SO strong and I think that you need to stand up for yourself, youre an awesome woman!


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