Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Sexual Assault: It is NEVER Your Fault!

I want to discuss something really important in this post.

This weekend, I had a very scary experience involving unwanted sexual contact. I wasn't raped, but I was sexually assaulted. I don't want to go into details because it's upsetting, but basically I was physically and verbally abused by a guy whom I had previously considered an acquaintance, and even a friend. Don't worry--it wasn't the new boy, B, or anyone I have ever previously posted about. However, this was a guy who I have known for awhile, who I trusted, and who I have class with this semester.

I just want to inform you all about sexual assault, and give you some resources. I know that my initial reaction after this incident on Saturday was to feel incredibly dirty, disgusting, and guilty. The man who assaulted me not only put me in physical danger, but he also verbally assaulted me, calling me a bitch and several other offensive names. Yes, he was incredibly drunk (and for the record, I was NOT drunk--I had had one alcoholic beverage but was by no means intoxicated), but alcohol is still NO EXCUSE for his actions.

In fact, even if you have been sexually, verbally, or physically abused or assaulted and you were drunk, it is still NOT okay. Sex without consent is rape. Unwanted or forced sexual contact of any kind, even touching or kissing, is still considered assault if consent is not freely given.

Please, I urge you, if you have had an experience with sexual assault or rape or abuse of ANY KIND, please do not be afraid to seek help. Tell someone. It can be a teacher, friend, relative, or authority figure. Just make sure it is someone you trust.

And please, do not be ashamed. The past couple of days have been rough for me. I feel like I somehow brought this upon myself, or to consider the fact that maybe I was "asking for it". But you know what? There is NEVER an excuse for assault of any kind.

My best friend wants me to report the incident. I'm not sure what to do. Here I am, telling you all to seek help, and I have (so far) kept silent, at least as far as police or campus authority involvement. I think I am hesitant because of how small my campus is. I had class this morning with the guy who did this to me, and it was painful. Someone I had previously trusted and thought highly of is now someone I am afraid to associate with or even go near. It isn't right.

Anyway, here are just a few of the many, many resources out there regarding this issue:

PAVE: Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment

RAINN: Rabe, Abuse, & Incest, National Network

NSVRC: National Sexual Violence Resource Center

On a random positive note, I promised you photos. So, here's a photo of me, my friend Kim, and the new sweet guy B at the bar a couple weeks ago:

B has been really awesome. We're not "dating" exactly, but we have been spending time together talking and hanging out, and we have kissed. He is incredibly sweet and respects women, which is something we all deserve in a man, don't you think?

Hopefully my next post will be more positive. Until then, my bloggie friends! ........


  1. Report it or not you need to get a friend or two and confront him about it when he is sober. If your safe now just talking to him about it with several friends might be enough. Or maybe you could write it out and let him know that if you see him drunk again your sending it to the police.

    Good luck and your totally right it never is your fault and no, no matter when it is said means NO.

  2. Hi Coco

    I've been reading your blog on and off for a while. I don't think I've commented before but I couldn't pass this post by without replying. I was raped when I was 18, and I know how scary and confusing unwanted sexual experiences can be. I would actually disagree with David about confronting the guy - if you can, stay away from him. If a man can do that once he can do it again, drunk or otherwise. I hope you do report it but I understand exactly how scary that is. Just know that you are right, it was not your fault, and there are thousands of women (and men) who have been in similar situations and will understand.
    Katie x

  3. Every post I read here is seriously deep stuff! I was also sexually assaulted in college and it is one of the main reasons I stopped drinking so much that I would blackout. I did confront him and everyone on campus knew what he did, but the administration did nothing. I was fortunate enough to have it not seriously crush me, but I did want to puke every time I saw him. My best advice is, if you do report him be prepared for what will come - people may not be so nice, but you will have closure. Also, do NOT let this event take anything away from your last year in school. Good luck lady!

    p.s. what are you plans after graduation?


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