Today's post is going to be a bit different than my last post. To read a bit more about the back story behind the following words, here is my original post about where I was in my life 3 years ago. I also did a follow up to that a year later, in September of 2010. And now, a bit about where I am on this gorgeous Wednesday afternoon in Baltimore.
Three Years ago today...
I woke up in a hospital bed to the sound of a blood pressure machine at my bedside. I got my finger pricked for an iron test, and felt dizzy as I stood up because I was so weak.
Today....
I woke up in a warm, cozy bed and felt a light kiss on the forehead from a man who truly loves me.
3 years ago today....
I struggled through breakfast, too weak and defeated to even calculate the calories and how many pounds I would "immediately" gain because of it. A nurse sat beside me and watched every bite, making sure I finished what was on my plate.
Today...
The only thing I contemplated was whether to have eggs or pancakes, and I had enough energy to start a load of laundry and take out the trash, all before having my morning cup of joe.
3 years ago today....
I was sitting in group therapy on a hospital inpatient unit, swapping stories with other men and women who were starving themselves, stuffing themselves, purging themselves. I had dropped out of college because I couldn't concentrate on anything other than running until it hurt and counting every calorie of every crumb that entered my mouth.
Today....
I am on the other side of the table...I am working with my patients to help them in their recovery from opiate, cocaine, benzo, and alcohol addiction. It may not be exactly the same, but the similarity is often uncanny. However, 3 years later, the similarities no longer bother me. I can draw from my past without dwelling on it, and I am a better therapist because of it. I have more than enough energy to get through a full work day, plus errands, happy hour, and family events.
3 years ago today....
I had the strength to ask for help, and the strength to willingly receive it. Maybe it didn't seem like it then, and maybe I thought things would never get better.
But today I can tell you: things are better. I worked hard, and I am still working hard every day, but in 3 years I have gained 30+ pounds and a hell of a lot of life. I am now confident in my own body, able to wear a bikini without panicking about "back fat" or cellulite. I can have my cake and eat it too. I can exercise without running myself into the ground, without feeling like I have to. Today, I can do some yoga if I feel like it, or take a brisk walk, but if I "miss" a day, I shrug and move on. I was probably doing something more fun anyway.
3 years ago, I learned a lot about myself and about the strength of the human body and spirit. Today, I am forever grateful to the past, but I am living in the present and planning for a healthy, happy, fun-filled future. Here's to many more years of success and happiness!
Coco -- I can't get over how similar our stories are. When I think back to three years ago today, it makes me want to cry. Never EVER would I EVER have imagined that I would be sitting where I am -- strong and healthy and having achieved all that I have.
ReplyDeleteThe 3 year anniversary of my in-patient admission is in 5 months and 3 days. On that day, I never imagined being alive in another three years, nonetheless LIVING AND THRIVING.
It's our past that gives us strenth and makes us wise. Here's to leaving behind the years lost in ED, and to embracing the three years since and all the years to come.
You should be proud of all you've accomplished. Never lose faith. :)