So, here was one of today's random experiments:
The reason I look so shocked is because it turned out very curly and a little weird! But it was just for fun. I was cleaning out my bathroom the other day and found those cloth rollers from the good old days when my mom would do my hair for me at night and I'd sleep on it and wake up and take them out and go to school all bouncalicious. Did anyone else's mom do that? Another one of my favorites when I was younger was to have my mom put little braids in all my hair all over. It was kind of gangster, even though I was a skinny white girl from the suburbs.
Speaking of hair, it is so frustrating that my hair is obviously a LOT thinner. I used to have such thick hair that it was almost unmanageable! In fact, any time I ever got a hair cut or got an updo for a prom or something, the stylist would always comment on my gorgeous thick tresses. My prom updo used a total of I believe it was 120+ bobby pins!
Haven't gotten compliments on my hair in a long time. It is so silly for me to be so concerned about my hair when recovering from ED because obviously other aspects of my health are much more important, but still. I just want my old self back in every way.
Thanks to those of you who commented. I need to learn to just listen to my body and give it what it wants. I'm definitely making progress!
So, tomorrow night 3 of my friends from high school, Sasha, Trisha, and Kristen, are accompanying me to Baltimore's Inner Harbor, which is about 30-50 minutes from me, depending on traffic, to celebrate my 21st birthday. We're staying at the Waterfront Marriott hotel, and then the plan is to get a late dinner somewhere (maybe Little Italy!!!) and then go out to a bar or pub or something afterwards, since I technically am not 21 until midnight. Luckily, most places are open until 2, some even later.
Today I was searching for some good restaurants that would be fun, affordable, and have a good atmosphere that we can go to while in the city. Looking at the menus online, I realized that I was more concerned with looking at the gorgeous food and drinks, and was actually looking on the menu for something that sounded tasty, NOT searching for calorie content or trying to find the "safest" or "healthiest" choice on the menu. I sure as hell am not going to go to a restaurant in Little Italy and not get a big bowl of pasta! Or go to P.F. Chang's and not get some fried rice and Szechuan shrimp! I realized today that it's OK to let yourself go sometimes. Hell, all the time. I really believe that people should allow themselves to eat what they want when they want it, within reason. Obviously, if you're in the mood for cheese curls, you probably shouldn't eat the whole bag. But a nice generous portion won't hurt. Because I realized that my "binges" lately are mostly a result of my underfeeding myself during the day. It's mostly unconscious, honestly, which scares me. It is SO scary how sneaky ED can be.
But that's part of the reason I experimented with the rollers today. I took a nice, long, hot shower in my parents room because my DAD--yes, my dad and not my mom lol--has some pretty awesome Burt's Bees shampoo in there that he uses! HA! And after my shower, I slathered on some wonderful Aveeno lotion, and decided to spend some time pampering my little booty with the curlers and some makeup. I hardly ever wear makeup, especially since the ED (my staple outfit last semester was--you guessed it--SU sweats, EVERY day), but it felt nice to treat myself. I also laid outside in my bikini and finished reading "The Memory Keeper's Daughter", by Kim Edwards. Not my absolute favorite, but still really good.
Speaking of books, does anyone have any recommendations? I am a Creative Writing and Psychology major, and for my writing independent study, I have chosen to "chronicle" my experiences with anorexia nervosa via memoir/journal entries as well as poetry, my forte. I also someday wish to work as a counselor for girls with ED. I have heard of a few books written by ED survivors, such as "Gaining" by Aimee Liu and "A Very Hungry Girl" by Jessica Weiner. I am thinking of getting them out of the library and reading them, but I wanted to know if anyone else had read them and whether they'd be worth it. I'm also worried about it maybe upsetting/triggering me? Any thoughts? But part of the independent study is to not only write our projects, but to read several books that relate. So I thought those might.
Might start reading "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs. It's about his struggle with alcoholism, which in a way isn't so far from EDs at all.
Wow, I've written way too much. But it's 9:30 pm and I'm bored and my parents went out dancing (they are too cute, really. They take private lessons doing anything from swing to salsa!), so I am left to my own devices. *sigh*
Ok, I'll be sure to post lots of pictures after my birthday weekend!!!!