Sunday, June 14, 2009


Hello all,

Today is Sunday, June 14th, which means there are exactly 7 days--1 week!--until my 21st birthday. I am planning on going into Baltimore and going to the bars with a few of my friends. BUT my birthday is also on Father's Day, so I'll have to get home early enough to hang with my dad!

Things have been up and down lately, emotionally. Finally went for my first appointment at Sheppard Pratt's Eating Disorders Center. It actually went fairly well and the woman I talked with was super nice. I have my first nutritionist meeting bright and early tomorrow morning! Which I really think I need, because I've lost a pound in the last week which doesn't make any sense because one of my issues lately is binge eating at night and not being able to stop!

Last night I went to see "The Hangover" with my friend Sasha. It wasn't very good--at all. Funny at times, but mostly just wildly inappropriate. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't really want to see men's balls and pictures of women giving guys blowjobs when I go to the movies! I mean, seriously. But it was nice to see Sasha. We were super close in high school and I hadn't seen her in 2 years!!! She came over after and we ended up sitting in my room talking til 1 in the morning.

My parents got into a big fight and today they were having a serious discussion about divorce. I swear I'll freak if that happens. They've been married 26 years and I always thought things were so great, but I guess life isn't perfect. *sigh*

Anyway, I'm getting sick of this whole ED thing. It's like, even when I'm not thinking about food, it's still always there in the back of my mind, and I'm still constantly concerned with how I look. Sometimes I'll think I'm way too skinny, and other times I feel bloated and fat and ugly and disgusting. And I am so lost still in terms of what I should be eating. Today for breakfast I had cereal w/ granola, strawberry cream of wheat, and a Luna breakfast bar, but it just seemed so random and not very satisfying. Hopefully the nutritionist can help me pick things that are tasty and satisfying and still healthy.

Well, I'm off to take a shower and go shopping for a gift for my dad for Father's day! Happy Sunday, and take it easy :-)


  1. hey love,
    good to hear you are getting help from a nutritionist. mine has helped me alot with the whole eating issues. most importantly you need to learn to trust this person and believe that they will make you healthy but not fat or big. you know what i mean?
    i really hope you can have a wonderful 21st birthday cause you will only turn 21 once and that really needs to be celebrated :)
    have a wonderful week

  2. It's your 21st too! Woop for turning 21 lol.
    Thats great you are getting some professional help! I went to see the hangover and I thought it was hilareous!
    Not so good about your parents chick, mine split after 25 years, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn't be the strong person I am today because of it
    Take care xx

  3. Hey chicky,
    Thank you so much for the comment you left me, you're too sweet!
    I know its hard to deal with everything going on AND having the ED on top of it. But look at the progress you have already made! Even having 5 days out of the week be mostly positive is a huuge improvement over the ED-days, yknow? And I think every woman on the planet has days when they feel self-concious. Its just that when you ahve an eating disorder, one becomes much more aware of feeling a bit less than wonderful. It will be okay though. You didn't become anorexic over night, and it won't disappear that quickly either. Thoughts are like habits - it takes time and effort to change them.
    Something my father said to me when I was inpatient that was incredibly insightful (and out of chaaracter!) was that "While you may not get out of this place as soon as you would like, your freedom will come sooner than you expect."
    I bet one day you'll wake up and not even realize that the ED thoughts are gone, because you won't even be thinking about them enough to care.
    BTW Happy almost-21st Birthday! Mine's in about 4 months. Cheers to the '88 babies!



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