So I figured, if you're gonna want to read about my life, you should see who I was, am, and hope to be!
So, here's some eye candy for you!
First, here I am before my Senior Prom in May 2006 (age 17):
Don't you just love my shoes? Hehe.
Here I am on Halloween in 2006, my freshman year of college (I'm in the middle):
Fun fact: Danielle (on the right) went through anorexia a year before I did (this is obviously before she had it) and has been a source of inspiration and support for me. Kelly, on the left, is the first real friend I made at college and has stayed my best friend since. She is now one of my roommates. Speaking of which....
Here are my roomies and I fall of Junior year (September 2008):
From left: Kristen, Coco (me!), Kelly, Lauren
I love these girls and don't know what I'd do without them.
I also couldn't live without my sophomore year roomie and very close friend, Chelsea:
This was also taken last fall (back when I was getting in shape but still had boobs and a butt!)
Now, I don't usually do this, but I'm going to show you my gradual progression into anorexia, and where I am today!
Here is a photo of me in November 2008, before my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) Sean's TKE formal:
again, with my Chel! :-)
Here is me with my best friend, Brooke. Even though our relationship has suffered because of my ED, Brooke has been my friend since we were little and I know she'll always be there for me.
This is a terrible and weird picture, but it shows our quirky relationship well! This is in May 08, at Brooke's older brother's wedding!
Here are my parents:
This is from a month ago, in May, at a lovely chateau during our trip to Paris. I'm very lucky to have 2 wonderful, strong, supportive parents that actually still love each other even after 26 years of marriage! I hope to someday find a love like they have!
Ok, so I think I've covered the important points. Now let me show you what ED did to me, and what I'm doing to fight back.
Here I am in January 09, looking thinner but still human and womanly:
After this is when my ED spiraled out of control. The picture above was taken the very first weekend back at school after winter break. Once back at school and under the pressure of classes, work, and my rocky relationship with Sean, ED took over and made me feel like there was at least one thing in my life I could control.
Here I am in February (I'm the second from the right in the pink dress):
Not extremely terrible yet, but still not healthy. At this point, the mental part of ED was very strong. I remember counting every sip of alcohol I consumed that night and feeling like a failure for drinking that many calories. This was, in fact, one of the last nights that I drank at all junior year.
March, with Sean on our 2-year anniversary:
We had a romantic dinner out and then stayed at a nice hotel. I remember looking online to make sure I ordered something with the least calories, then getting upset that they had put shredded cheese on my salad. I picked every single piece of cheese out as Sean looked at me sadly. To his defense, he tried very hard to get me to see what I eventually saw--that I was really, truly ill. His older sister was hospitalized for anorexia when she was in high school, so he knew firsthand what it can do to a person. I also remember asking Sean to go get some ice at the hotel, and I quickly did jumping jacks and pushups before he got back because I felt so guilty for eating. That was one of my lowest points.
April, at Sean's formal:
Pale, skinny, sick. I remember being so cold that Sean had to give me his suit jacket and I didn't take it off the whole night. I rewore the same dress that I had worn a year before. Check out the difference:
This is April 08, and I was around 130 pounds, healthy, happy, spunky, and adorable.
Here I am at my lowest weight, with my roommate Kristen at the end of April 2009:
It's embarrassing to even post this photo, but I trust you guys and I realize that for my own wellbeing, I need to see pictures like this to make me realize how serious my problem was, but also how far I have come today!
So, here I am in France in May 09, eating lots of fun food! :
This particular photo is of my mom and I sitting on a bench in front of the Tour de Eiffel eating eclairs. Easily one of the best moments of my life (and a real turning point!)
And here I am in more recent times:
(this was taken May 26)
And here I am a few weekends ago with my college friends (I'm on the far left):
So, even though I'm still underweight, and even though I have a long way to go, I am making progress. I've gained about 12 or 13 pounds back, and although I have about 15 or 20 more to gain, I know that I can do it, and I'm happy that mentally I am so much better than I was before.
When people ask me what my experience has been like, I can't think of any other way to describe it than this: For more than 6 months of my life, I was in a coma. I was in the darkest place you could be. And now, finally, I am waking up. I'm exiting the fog and confusion that is anorexia and entering the world again. It's hard, especially when it comes to friendships and being social again, but slowly, step by step and day by day, I'm making progress.
I'm sorry this was so long, but I wanted you all to see some pictures so you could "put the face with the name", so to speak. Plus, it was kind of for my own sanity as well. So, here's what I hope to look like by the end of summer:
Will it happen overnight? No. But will it happen? YES. It will. No matter how long it takes, I'll get there!!!
Well, now I'm off to go hot-tubbing with Brooke. A bit nervous about wearing a bathing suit again, but who cares?! ED can shove it, biatch!