Sorry I've been so MIA recently.
LOTS has been going on.
Basically, I had a really rough time being alone in my apartment with no one to eat with. It was difficult to decide what meals to make and when and how much, etc etc. HOWEVER I had a weigh-in this past Wednesday and I maintained! Yes, the goal is to gain, BUT I am SO glad I didn't lose because that would have been awful! I had a really great therapy sesh on Wednesday and also a great meeting w/ my nutritionist. She spent a long time with me, and we planned some meals out so that if I have a day where I don't know what I want to make, I can go to the paper and pick one of my exact plans.
I have a week left until I move back into my apartment (with the 3 roomies this time) and the semester starts. I admit that I'm nervous and a bit worried about myself. Although I've been pushing through it by eating my meals and snacks, the ED voice has been very LOUD lately. Plus, it doesn't help that my parents seem to be fine with a yogurt for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and a rather meager dinner! I feel like a huge fat pig for eating more than my 180-pound father! However, I need to keep in mind that this is what my body NEEDS to repair itself, and that I won't have to eat like this forever.
Journaling has been helping me, as well as something I never thought I would agree to, or have a positive experience with--GROUP THERAPY. Anne (my counselor) suggested I attend, so I went to a 90-minute eating disorders group Wednesday night, and it was honestly so amazing. Awkward at first, but REALLY helpful. People with all kinds of EDs meet every week and talk about their struggles and what has worked for them. A few of the people in the group are fully recovered and were there to share their insight, which gave me a LOT of hope and encouragement.
I'm scared that when I go back to school, I will fall back into my old ways because of stress from classes and work (I work at a coffee shop!). I know my roomies know what's going on, but they also aren't going to be around all the time to hold me accountable. I need to force myself to do what I need to do to be healthy.
Anyway, I'll do a longer, more interesting post later on, but for now, just know that I'm still religiously reading all of your blogs and they are inspiring as always!
P.S. The movie "Julie & Julia" was amazing! I bought the book and can't wait to read it! *NOTE: This movie WILL make you HUNGRYYYY* hahaha
P.P.S. I am making a pasta dish w/ spinach and ricotta cheese tonight. Pasta and cheese are some fear foods of mine that I still have issues with, so I'm excited about it and am going to push myself to have a nice big plate of it!
P.P.P.S. Jenni Schaefer's book "Life Without Ed" was really great and I highly recommend it! She is coming to speak at my treatment center in October, and I really want to go!
Have a beautiful weekend. Off to plant some flowers with my daddy :-)