Major Update!

Long time, no post! And for that, I apologize! (As if anyone even reads this...haha)

Basically, I finally "came clean" to my parents since my last post. I had been lying to them about my weight and about my struggles, and my mom finally confronted me the other night, and I had to just let it out. I confessed that I indeed had lost weight, and that it was a significant amount, and that my ED voice was gaining strength again.

At first, my parents were very angry and upset, but more because I had lied than because they think I'm an awful person. They have actually been really supportive these past few days, which gives me strength and motivation to really recover once and for all. I don't know what I would call this--maybe a relapse, maybe just a lapse, maybe a setback. But in any case, I want to put it BEHIND me.

So, we had family therapy and I also had individual therapy & nutrition today, and I really am going to jump back on the bandwagon, with my family to support (and sometimes nudge) me. Back on the supplements, no slacking at meals, just plowing right on through! I have set a goal of a certain weight (I won't do numbers on the blog), and if I don't reach that weight by the end of the semester (May 18th), then I will NOT be going on my planned vacation with the boyfriend to San Diego (we are planning on visiting my brother for 12 glorious days of fun and sun). Also, if I don't gain X amount of pounds by this time, I have agreed to seek a higher level of care.

So, now that I have a clear goal in mind, I hope I will be able to DO THIS. I really want to recover for my family, friends, boyfriend, future children....but most importantly, for MYSELF. I am only hurting my own body (and SOUL!) by continuing in ED's path, and I will suffer no longer!

Yes, it's gonna suck. Yes, I'll probably feel like shit for awhile. But you know what? I'm pretty sure life without an eating disorder is wayyy better than the life I've been living these past few months/years.

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This weekend, B is coming to visit and we are going to (hopefully) go explore Gettysburg, weather permitting! And tomorrow is the 'rents' Anniversary (27 years--WOW!), so I might do something fun with them (and let them have their alone time, of course).

Other than the recent breakdown with my family, etc, things have been ok. I went to Hershey Park with the boy, which was stellar. And I got good grades on 2 of my papers. So, I am trying to just be positive and pick myself back up.

Time to read, talk to the boy toy, and hit the hay......until later.....