Good morning/afternoon, everyone, and Happy April Fool's Day!
I am finding it incredibly hard to believe that it is already APRIL 2010. Honestly, I feel like I have come such a long way and things have changed SO much in the past year. This time last year, I was in the throes of my eating disorder and I was severely underweight and undernourished. Last April, I isolated myself in my room most days and rarely did anything social. Last April, I was drowning in schoolwork, stress, and depression. The only way I knew how to cope was to starve and exercise my worries away, and to focus on counting calories rather than deal with LIFE.
The past 12 months have been an incredibly bumpy journey. I have gone up, down, up, WAY down, and crawled back up again. I have gained weight, lost weight, maintained weight, and everything in between. I have been happy, sad, and every other emotion imaginable. Mostly, though, I have learned in the last year that life, although difficult and sometimes downright miserable, is still worth living.
Do I still struggle? YES, of course. In fact, I can't lie--the past few weeks I have been slipping back into my eating-disordered ways--counting calories, feeling anxious before meals, and feeling generally exhausted from lack of proper nutrition. But at least I am now at a point in my recovery where I can recognize the weaknesses within myself, and I can use the resources around me (therapist, nutritionist, family, boyfriend, friends) to pick myself back up and get back on the road to recovery.
Sorry this post is long and rather serious, but I am in a reflective mood on this GORGEOUS April day! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and life is finally feeling like it is WORTH LIVING.
I know there will be bad days--there always are--but I also know that I have people around me who love me and care for me. So, even when I have a hard time loving myself, I can at least find comfort in the fact that I am worth it to someone else.
The past 12 months have been an incredibly bumpy journey. I have gone up, down, up, WAY down, and crawled back up again. I have gained weight, lost weight, maintained weight, and everything in between. I have been happy, sad, and every other emotion imaginable. Mostly, though, I have learned in the last year that life, although difficult and sometimes downright miserable, is still worth living.
Do I still struggle? YES, of course. In fact, I can't lie--the past few weeks I have been slipping back into my eating-disordered ways--counting calories, feeling anxious before meals, and feeling generally exhausted from lack of proper nutrition. But at least I am now at a point in my recovery where I can recognize the weaknesses within myself, and I can use the resources around me (therapist, nutritionist, family, boyfriend, friends) to pick myself back up and get back on the road to recovery.
Sorry this post is long and rather serious, but I am in a reflective mood on this GORGEOUS April day! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and life is finally feeling like it is WORTH LIVING.
I know there will be bad days--there always are--but I also know that I have people around me who love me and care for me. So, even when I have a hard time loving myself, I can at least find comfort in the fact that I am worth it to someone else.
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So, what's been new with me?
Last year I was miserable.
This year, I vow to be positive.
So, what's been new with me?
Well, last weekend was a BIG one. I went to visit my friends at school on Friday night. We went to dinner at a local Italian place, then went to see "Hot Tub Time Machine", which was actually rather hilarious!
Then, on Saturday, B and I headed to his parents' house in the Pocono Mountains. I was nervous, because he has 4 younger brothers, and I was meeting all of them as well as his parents for the first time. We went out for dinner at a Mexican place, and it ended up being really nice. His brothers are full of energy (they are 4, 7, 12, and 18!!!), and his parents were sooo sweet, especially B's mom.
Then, as if that wasn't enough excitement for one weekend, Sunday I went with B and his family to his grandparents' house in New Jersey for their annual Palm Sunday dinner. I met a total of 20+ people, including aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was incredibly nervous, but his family's kindness and hospitality really put me at ease. I felt like I fit right in. I was also nervous about the big sit-down meal, but it ended up being really low-key--buffet-style. It was a lot of fun and I was proud of myself for trying a little bit of everything, including ham, mac & cheese, and B's mom's famous jello "salad" recipe.
Then, Monday I drove back home, attended class, and then went to our family friends' house for their Passover Seder. This was actually the most stressful part of the weekend, foodwise at least, because I have never been to a Seder and thus have never had the interesting foods that are typical, like Matzot ball soup. I was proud of myself for at least trying everything, even if I wasn't particularly fond of it.
Now, I've been getting back into the daily grind of class, and my mom and I have been bonding a bit this week because my dad's in Los Angeles on business until Friday night.
Then, on Saturday, B and I headed to his parents' house in the Pocono Mountains. I was nervous, because he has 4 younger brothers, and I was meeting all of them as well as his parents for the first time. We went out for dinner at a Mexican place, and it ended up being really nice. His brothers are full of energy (they are 4, 7, 12, and 18!!!), and his parents were sooo sweet, especially B's mom.
Then, as if that wasn't enough excitement for one weekend, Sunday I went with B and his family to his grandparents' house in New Jersey for their annual Palm Sunday dinner. I met a total of 20+ people, including aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was incredibly nervous, but his family's kindness and hospitality really put me at ease. I felt like I fit right in. I was also nervous about the big sit-down meal, but it ended up being really low-key--buffet-style. It was a lot of fun and I was proud of myself for trying a little bit of everything, including ham, mac & cheese, and B's mom's famous jello "salad" recipe.
Then, Monday I drove back home, attended class, and then went to our family friends' house for their Passover Seder. This was actually the most stressful part of the weekend, foodwise at least, because I have never been to a Seder and thus have never had the interesting foods that are typical, like Matzot ball soup. I was proud of myself for at least trying everything, even if I wasn't particularly fond of it.
Now, I've been getting back into the daily grind of class, and my mom and I have been bonding a bit this week because my dad's in Los Angeles on business until Friday night.
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In other news, does anyone have any fun Easter plans?!
My parents and I are laying low this year, going to church and perhaps having a nice meal on our screened-in porch, if weather permits.
My parents and I are laying low this year, going to church and perhaps having a nice meal on our screened-in porch, if weather permits.
Last year I was miserable.
This year, I vow to be positive.
Great to hear about the boy, you deserve it so much!
ReplyDeleteYou've come far and I'm proud and I also hope you continue this road and get 100% back on track:)
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
Yayyyyy! This is awesome! So glad you are enjoying your life now and able to embrace yourself and not fall into ED and the struggles it brings to us. You are amazing and deserve every moment of your life!!
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