I just want to say that I am SO glad I stumbled upon this blogging community. Without reading of your weaknesses, struggles, strengths, and accomplishments, I would never be able to come to terms with my own. I have been struggling mentally lately, and also physically, as I haven't gained in over a month :-( But reading your blogs keeps me going, and makes me know that I'm not alone!
So, the 4th of July weekend ended up being pretty good, actually. My aunt and uncle came, and I was nervous because on Saturday there was a LOT of food--we had a crab feast in the afternoon, and burgers and bratwurst later in the night. I tried a little bit of everything, and it was just fine. Then on Sunday we went to Harper's Ferry, WV, which is this super-cool historical town 45 minutes away. We walked around, and when my family wanted to stop for ice cream I almost freaked out, but my mom was really awesome about it and we shared a "small" cup--which was HUGE for a SMALL. I'd say we each got like 2 cups of ice cream! haha.
A lot of going out to eat recently. But I've been getting a lot better at it. Sunday we all went for italian, and I let myself get my old favorite--shrimp fra diavolo. It was fantastic!
Last night was interesting. My friend Trisha and I met up for dinner. She is a recovering anorexic/bulimic/compulsive overexerciser. She is 22, and for her it started as early as 5th grade. We had a lot in common and really learned a lot about each other, but I feel like she was bringing me down.
For example, she kept saying that it will never go away and that I'll just have to learn to deal with it, basically. Then I think she could tell I was a bit upset by this, so she quickly said "Well, maybe for me it's different since it went on for so long. You at least have some reference of a normal childhood and normal eating to go back to."
But it just made me sad. She said she still won't drink caloric beverages, and she still measures things, and she still calculates everything in her mind. I was hoping that going to dinner with her would reassure me and encourage me, but now I feel so hopeless.
However, I can't let someone else's negativity bring me down! It's mind over matter! Just because she chooses to "give in" to the ED thoughts doesn't mean I have to, right???
RIGHT.
So tonight, my younger cousin Natasha (she's 11) is going to be in a play. Her camp is doing High School Musical, and she is Sharpay! hahaha. Never actually saw the movie, but it should be cute. Only thing is, this means ANOTHER dinner out. It's also my Mom-mom's birthday, so we're going to some tapas place beforehand to celebrate. I don't even know what that means! *sigh* wish me luck!
You only have to read some of the amazing blogs out there to see that recovery IS possible!
ReplyDeleteMaybe for some the thoughts will always be there but you seem to be doing so well that I'm SURE you won't be one of them!
If you don't think its possible there really isnt any point...
I know it sounds really corny but half the process is believing it...good luck with the meal :) xLottyx
I think its great your eating out a lot, its a fantastic way to break some ED rules/habits and start normalising food and eating again.
ReplyDeleteNot being able to eat out can really affect your life, so its great your trying it.
As for the comment about not recovering fully, well I believe thats really down the persons own choice. Yes I think we will have to be careful in life more so than others and watch that we dont fall back into old habits, but I do believe that with determination you can fully recover and can live a life without measuring and calculating your food.
As Lottyl said theres lots of blogs of people who have pulled through and are living great lives.
I would hate to think I`ll be stuck forever with this, a full recovery is possible and you have it in you to pull through I know you do!
Hey Sweetie,
ReplyDeleteI know meeting up with your friend got you down. But she IS right. For her, suffering from such a young age till now, it is very different. My friend Liza is a recovered anorexic. She drinks lattes and cappucinos at Starbucks without a second though. She eats out with her husband. She says that while she may have a general idea in her head of how many calories something is at times, she doesn't really care anymore. Lest the box with all the numbers is put in front of her, she said she really had no desire to know anymore.
So there is hope. You can move on from this and in a big way. Honestly, even your friend could, if she was willing to take that leap of faith and let go of the chokehold she's put upon herself.
Just remember, there is always hope. You can do this, and you can do it for real.
Take care.
xo
Tori
God what a biatch for putting you in a downer. If your friend truly wanted to recover then she would fight as hard as you are, dont let her get you down. You are so much stronger than she is and will get through this, I have EVERY faith in you my sweet! :)
ReplyDeleteOooh I used to absolutely love tapas before ED but it kinda puts me off with some of the greasieness in it (which I WILL get over lol). But with all the little dishes you can pick and choose which is an amazing way to eat I think!
All this eating out must be making you feel so good again...like normal. Yay! I can't stress how proud I am of you. Take care xxx
Glad you've been coping with eating out so well! I love Harper's Ferry. It's a great way to get out of your comfort zone. People without EDs wouldn't even think twice about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your friend's comment brought you down. I think that in order to fully recover, you have to believe that full recovery actually exists. Some people convince themselves that they're fine living in perpetual recovery, not starving, but still trapped in ED behaviors. But like Tori said, there are some people that manage to recover fully, you just have to want it badly enough!
Enjoy your day, love!