Thursday, July 23, 2009

Gaining and feeling sick

So, I went to the nutritionist yesterday for my weekly weigh-in, and I gained over 2 whole pounds! Whoah baby! Needless to say, my ED voice was like HOLY COW! and wanted me to immediately restrict again, but I refuse to let that happen! My goal is to gain, and gain I will! Plus, I leave in a little over a week to go back to school and work at a summer camp, and I really wanna be up a few more pounds by then.

Courtney (my nutritionist) was really happy, and it made me happy that she was happy with me! I'm glad the supplement drinks and shakes haven't been in vain! She even told me I could add another one to my day if I feel up to it (I've been doing 2 a day). Now, Ensure Plus isn't the most appetizing, but it's working, and if I mix it w/ fruit or ice cream or yogurt, it isn't half bad at all. Also, if I add the extra one in by "sneaking" it into oatmeal and recipes, then it won't be so bad.

So, I also met with Anne, my counselor, yesterday. I find myself EXHAUSTED after my sessions with her. Not in a bad way, but it just gets overwhelming sometimes talking about such heavy stuff. My mom and dad might come to my next session, which makes me nervous, but I think it would be good for us all to sit down and chat. Plus, maybe my Mom will be able to better understand things. My mother likes things to be black and white and have a definite answer, and I think the many layers of ED and the complexity of it bothers her. Last night she kept asking me what happened and why it happened and I got really upset. Obviously, if I knew the easy answer, it wouldn't be an issue!!!

Oh well. I need to do what's best for me. 

OH! Tomorrow night should be fun. My parents and I are going to Bob Dylan, John Melloncamp, and Willie Nelson in concert! It's an outdoor event, so let's pray it doesn't rain! Then on Saturday I am going bar-hopping with some friends in either Washington, D.C., Baltimore, or Annapolis.

I bought some Whey Protein Powder to mix into my smoothies. Anyone else use this stuff? Good or bad?

Also, ever since I've been getting "healthier" aka gaining weight, I feel more and more exhausted!!! I can't sleep very well, I get cold a lot, my throat hurts, and I just feel lack of energy! What's the deal? Do you think I'm just getting legitimately sick or has anyone else experienced this in recovery??

I would post more pics to liven this up, but unfortunately silly Coco left her camera cord at school when she moved into her house this weekend (which went really well, by the way--faced a lot of fear foods, like pulled pork sandwiches and slushy thick mocha drinks at coffee shops!, and the house itself looks fabulous!).

Here are a couple pics my mom took, though:

our living room area. lots of windows and enough room for an air hockey/beer pong table! sweeet.

kitchen. also lots of light and windows! this is where i'll be making delicious meals!

me (looking weird) and my room! my room has 3 windows and faces out onto the street. we are within walking distance of town (aka restaurants & bars) AND campus (aka class & work). Perfect!


  1. Your house looks lovely, very tidy and pretty looking!

    Im glad to hear your appointment went well, even though you do kind of feel a bit bad about it. Thats just your ED as you know, every time you do well it wil just yap at you. It great you've made progress you definately have been putting a lot of effort in recently. Popping your ensures into cereal and stuff might help to disguise the taste, is there maybe another type of similar drink you could try, you might like the taste better?
    Ive used protein powder before, mine was flavoured so I made it into a milkshake, just powder and milk.

    Sometimes I find that the less I do, the more tired I actually get, its maybe us just saying oh thank goodness for a break finally!

    I hope the meeting goes well with your parents there to, I think although that will be a pretty tough one for you it probably will do a lot of good. Your mother might get a better understanding of how you feel.
    Have a great time at the concert, it sounds lots of fun!
    Thanks for all your support before, it really meant a lot.

  2. Wow, that's great! Don't let ED tell you to restrict again. Whenever you feel like doing so, ask yourself why first. Why deprive your body of the fuel it needs to survive? :D Stay strong!

  3. uhh i love your apartment girl!!! looks like you'll have a great time living there. hope your weekend will be just as lovley as you my girl. enjoy and relax this weekend. its always good to have a break

  4. Hey lovely...I am SOOO proud of you for gaining AND being completely exstatic about it. You are so wonderful I can't believe it :D
    Those suppliments are a life saver eh. I sometimes put mine into my breakfast oats which is good and it makes them creamier too.
    I know the horrible feelig...I always get it when I up my calories and sometimes just randomly. I think we will never know why though. It just makes life so much harder eugh.
    Have a brilliant weekend my love xxx

  5. Omg Coco I am ridiculously proud of you for how well you've been kicking ED into touch! Not only about the weight gain but about EMBRACING the weight gain! And I hope your therapy session with your parents is helpful to you all.
    Take care my love xoxo
    ps your house is beautiful :)


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